Of Pheonix and Raven
by Saberath
Summary: A History of Snape: His trials and terrors that made him into the conflicted, ill tempered and dangerous man he now is.
1. Chapter One: Incantation

My first ever Harry Potter fanfiction. Im attempting to document some rather mad ideas about Severus's years in Hogwarts, a little before and beyond as well. Please be nice to me, and be assured there is a lot more to this than will be found in chapter one...  
  
Chapter One  
  
Profesor Dumbledore could remember the day so well... no pensieve was needed to remember the confident yet sullen child that sat in teh middle of the hall and was prompltly placed with no hesitation into the house of Slytherin.  
  
Almost immediatly the trouble started. A few days later two young children were dragged before him by a festering MaGonagall.  
" Do you know what they were doing? Dungbombs! in the middle of class! I have never ever seen anyone with the nerve.."  
" Please, Miss" The elder boy with dishevelled hair and now very smelly jacket. "He started it. Started calling me all sorts of names and threatened to cast a spell that'd do really nasty things..."  
"Is that true" Dumbledore asked of the thinner boy, equally smelly.  
The small boy looked straight at the headmaster.  
"Yes"  
"Why?"  
"I was bored" His black eyes travelled the cupboards and drawers of the master's room with interest, stopping in delight on the pheonix roosting in the corner.  
"Bored?" McGonagall looked close to eruptting "Bored?"  
"Yes. Im not very interested in transformations. I want to be a raven, but you said no, so there is no point." he said distractedly, watching Fawkes  
"No point..." she spluttered  
Dumbledore smiled. "Professor, kindly take James back to his class. I will deal with this one"  
Those dark eyes returned to the wizard, slightly worried, slightly curious. A small smile tugged at his mouth.  
the door closed none too quietly.  
  
The old wizard got up slowly, towering over the 1st year and wandered over to Fawkes. "You like him?"  
"Oh yes, Sir. Ive never seen a Pheonix before. Only trolls and goblins and wyrven and..."  
he grinned guiltily.  
"You may stroke him if you wish."  
Hesitantly the boy reached out to touch the burning bird. He flinched as if expecting his fingers to be burnt off any minute... but instead to his surprise felt only fuzzy feathers and began to pet the happy creature.  
  
Yes... Dumbledore knew who this child was. Son of a proud and noble father, and a devoted but very ill mother. Both practiced dark arts... their alliegence was unknown... their future, uncertain. He took after his father with a thin body and long neck. A heavy nose and jawline, hidden under youth. Black raven hair that was tied back in a ponytail, a small bob. His eyes were his mother's, as was his smile... eyes shining and the smile growing as Fawkes responded to the child's petting. Perhaps there was hope left.  
"Severus"  
The boy turned  
"What you did today was not right. You should never threaten another student, no matter the provocation. And dark magic isnt to be used lightly."  
"But I can do it! Im good. I can hex you if you want" His enthusiasm lit up his eyes. The old man smiled "No thank you. You must save it for classes and nowhere else, understand? I know you know things most do not.. but do not boast or fool with it. Things go wrong sometimes, even for as experienced wizards as myself.. and yourself of course." He bowed slightly to the child who grinned.  
"No more threatening mr Potter now, allright? Be friends."  
"Ok" He said resolutly "Can I have that" He chirped, disregarding the past conversation as only children can do and pointing at a fallen feather from Fawkes.  
"You may.. only if it with your promise that you wont get into any more trouble with Potter"  
"Yup!" He grabbed the feather and ran his thin fingers along it, straightening out the tiny flame. "Thank you, goodbye!" He charged out the door.  
"Mr Snape?"  
He stopped  
"That includes dungbomb fights."  
He flashed a grin and ran down the corridor.  
  
Indeed he kept to his promise. For the whole next week even Minerva could find no fault in him, except for his relentless wish to become a raven. But he was behaving, and no student seemed to be complaining of hexes. Instead something worse happened.  
  
Back in his dorm he shared with five other boys, Severus played with the feather. It was like him, he decided, but different. So pretty and bright, changing colours and emotions, it looked dangerous, but was ok once you didn't try to hurt it or break it. He wondered what it was like to be a pheonix. Fun, he guessed.  
  
"Oy!"  
"Hmm?" The blonde haired kid from te bed next to him was looking at him. Lucius. He looked angry "What?"  
"where did you get that? They are magical!"  
"Professor Dumbledore gave it to me as a present" He announced, waving the feather as it left a trail of echoes.  
"Yes, and Im a troll"  
*you are* Severus decided  
"You stole it, didnt you? You are a little lying thief!"  
"No I am not. I was given it"  
Lucius lunged across the bed grabbing for the feather that was on its way to being tucked inside its owner's cloak  
"Give it to me!" he screeched  
"No! Why?" Severus pulled it away from harm  
"Cos you are a little prick, you are! Worthless rat! You dont deserve it, I do"  
"Yes, right! I bet you are just a common mudblood" Snape sniffed haughtily.  
Big mistake. Wihin seconds Malfoy and two others had leapt him. Biting and scratching the three of them roled onto the floor, watched in horror by a short rounded child who was having nothing to do with it.  
  
Half an hour later, scratched and bruised, the four were hauled in front of Dumbledore.  
"What happened?"  
"He attacked us! Just because we wanted to see his stupid feather."   
"I see, Mr Malfoy. Crabbe, Goyle?"  
The two simply nodded.  
"Mr Snape?"  
"Its broked"  
McGonagall frowned deeply.  
"I ask you take these three away for detention. Their housemaster will decide on the punishment. Severus stays." Dumbledore told her.  
With a gloat on his face, the blonde boy and his companions were led out.  
  
Severus stared at the floor, studying the shag carpet intently, wanting to cry and knowing he couldn't. He wasnt weak. He loked at the speck of dirt on his shoe and saw his hem was coming loose too.  
"Severus, you promised me." His elder's voice broke his silence wiht a sad note.  
" I know, but it got broked." He sniffed to the floor  
"Broked? what got broken?"  
Hesitant and tears welling in his eyes his slender fingers pulled what remained of the feather. It was dull and broken and was not quite the beauty it had been before.  
Dumbledore smiled "Ah."  
"I didnt do it. They did. Im sorry, I liked it. But they werent going to get it and I dont like them."  
"Part of going to school is learning to like those that are different from yourself. Be patient. With time I am sure..."  
"No. He isnt a very nice person. He isnt good" The boy declared, looking down his nose. His professor sighed. "No more fights."  
looking at the floor again, his voice a bare whisper "Ok. Can I have another one?"  
"Not just now. But when Fawkes wants to give you a feather, I will tell you."  
"Thank you sir"  
  
And indeed, Dumbledore heard of no more fights for a long time.  
  
*********************************************************  
  
  
It was four months into class, everyone was settled and happily getting on with their studies.  
Breakfast, a happy time for everyone. It was a Saturday and it was relaxed. Drinking his pumpkin juice, Dumbledore chatted merrily to McGonagall and to professor Sprout. Apparently Greenhouse three was becoming a bit of a rebel and kept trying to escape its glass walls.  
Feeling especially refreshed today he looked around at the students he was so proud of. James Potter and his group of friends were causing mild chaos at their table having bewitched a cup to continously fill with juice. As a result it was pouring everywhere much to their anxiety. He grinned. Arthur Weasly noshing into a stack of toast, as was Longbottom. At the slytherin table, Malfoy was telling a tale of terror judging from the looks on his classmate's faces. Nothing unusual there. But...  
Snape. Something was going wrong. Instead of drawing him out, the child seemed more and more inwards. His hair was loose and hadnt been tended to and now reached his chin as he hid behinds the locks. He was a lot thinner and alert... and whenever a clasmate asked his opinon he either ignored them or gave them a look that could have frozen Potter's overflowing mug.  
Something was definatly going wrong.  
Malfoy turned and said something to the group looking straight at the boy. They all laughed, maliciously. Snape cowed back, keeping his eyes firmly on his barely touched meal. Now why hadnt he seen that before? the boy's slow decline. At first he had kept his hair neat and clean, shiny and making even the girls jealous. His testimony of being a raven. Or a panther or a black dragon, or whater it was he hed felt like being that day. Dumbledore was glad he no longer was a panther. Poor Flitwick had been given such a fright when the child had leapt at him with an astonishingly realistic growl from the shadows those few weeks ago.  
But this was not a boy who believed he was a bird. this was someone destroying themself. He knew it all to well.  
  
Surprisingly enough it was Hagrid that confirmed his suspicions.  
"I aint got a bad word to say for the kid, but he aint the same" The giant proclaimed over a bucket of tea in his home. "Used to be asking me all sorts of things... why couldn't a boy touch a unicorn and the like... quite took a liking to the tiny chap" He smiled through his beard " But things keep happening to him, Dumbledore, sir. And they are starting to get to him"  
And the list began. Students constantly teasing, stealing homework, playing jokes and never letting him rest. Slytherin girls picking on him because of his slight stature and "ugly" looks... his love of darkness and dark creatures... and the lates blow, his friend in the making, Remus Lupin, stolen away by the "in" crowd of James, Peter and Sirius, while Severus was left alone again. He was becoMing withdrawn and as a result, mroe of a target for the bloodsuckers in the school.  
"Malfoy is a bad piece... well, look at his family!" Hagrid muttered. "Gonna bring trouble if you excuse me saying so, sir."  
And Dumbledore was in turn troubled.  
  
"As we all now know... The art of dark magic is one as old as that of wizards... wizards have always used both for good and bad hence the yingyang effect..."  
Severus turned away, bored. He knew all this. why, he could take the DADA class! And make it much better than this! why...  
He looked across to the table to his back and left. A pretty Gryffindor sat there with long red hair. He rested his head on his arms and looked at her. She saw him and blushed. He stuck out his tongue as did she.  
Aha! This was entertaining! He pulled a face. She crossed her eyes. He grinned and cast a small spell. A slytherin snake wound up smokily and looked at her. Her eyes widened, impressed.  
"MR SNAPE!"  
He yelped and jumped back. The professor looked mad.  
"Kindly refrain from such activities in this class! Ten points from slytherin"  
Oops.  
He didnt glance back but dutifully copied all the notes down about Kappas. Kappas. They sucked. He wondered what it would be like to duel a minotaur. Quite cool, he guessed.  
Class ended and he hurried after the girl as she exited.  
"Hi" he smiled  
"Hello" She answered, smiling also.  
"Im Severus..."  
"Lily. That was a neat trick"  
"Yeah? The professor didnt think so!" He grinned even more.  
She giggled. "Yeah, I know. Can you do other things? I heard you were good "  
"I'm ok I guess. I can make a really funny itching spell, just learnt it. Its great" He snickered. "Im gonna use it on Potter's bed tonight... gotta get the password first though..."  
"Oh" She hesitated... "Um. James is my boyfriend."  
Severus stoped. Oops again. "Oh... "  
"Oy! Slimeball"  
Talk of the devil  
. "Keep away from her, you slytherin! Get lost!" James ran across and hid the girl behind an outstretched arm. Ok then.  
"Go on, get out of here!"  
He slunk slowly past the mad boy and the startled Lily.  
"Ps... its *starburst* she whispered and winked. Severus skipped the rest of the way to his dorm.  
  
Snape the dragon liked his bed. The deuvets were warm and made a good cave. Pity it was difficult to breath. He sighed contentedly into the mattress, feelign the ache of he day dissipating. He couldnt wait till tomorrow when...  
Smack  
"Ow!"  
Something hit him hard across the back  
Smack  
"Ow! hey!"  
he turned to get up, and something heavy landed on him. Then he was being struck from all sides. It hurt badly. He couldnt get up , he couldnt move... he was running out of air and he panicked. It hurt so bad.  
What seemed an eternity later, the weight suddenly moved and the pounding stopped. He flung off the blanket and sat up, taking deep cool gulps. Malfoy and the others were in their beds, reading peacefully and innocently. Snape felt a tear gather.  
"Thats for losing us points" Malfoy said calmly.  
  
*******************************************************************  
  
Christmas came and with it, inches of crisp snow. Everyone loved it, snowball fights, skating and snowmen, not to mention the shrieks and yells fom the various girls attacked with too much vigour by their male counterparts.  
Severus was building a snowman, adding twigs as hair as carefully as he could. He had been joined by a recent friend, Longbottom, from a couple of years above him. Slow but sensible, the elder boy was stable and safe and not prone to criticism or random beatings. Perhaps that's why Severus let him remain around him.  
"We need to get him a carrot nose, Sev." Oliver declaired. "Make it a real snowman. Lets get one from Hagrid" Oliver ran across towards the gamekeeper's hut, his younger companion not far behind.   
Fang didnt like Snape, nor did the boy care much for the dog. He was a cat person. So Hagrid kept the pair well away from each other and everything was fine. He let them pick a couple of carrots neatly stored in his shed.  
Hagrid watched the pair. So different yet so fragile.  
"Hagrid, may I show you some of my homework?" Severus asked shyly. Of course! Hagrid would love to see it1 The boy needed some kindness.  
Snape carefully took a small bottle out of his tunic and from another pocket, a charcoal pencil made from a silverbark tree. Carefully he drew a pentogram on the floor "Dont worry, It will come off very easily" He nodded at the huge man's crumpled brow. That's not what Hagrid was worried about. This was not the magic that was taught at Hogwarts...  
Carefully Severus poured a couple of drops of the potion onto the centre of the star. The charcoal lines changed to green  
"Its so cooll!" Snape grinned innocently up  
He took a tiny knife from his cloak. Hagrid made a mental note to have it quietly confiscated from him. The child nicked his finger, to the surprise of Longbottom and Hagrid, and touched the single drop to the centre.  
"Cannis summinus Corvidae erritus!" The boy incanted. Out of the centre a raven appeared and flew to the sky before shattering into a hundred others, which in turn became drops of blood that fell to earth and vanished into smoke the instant they touched the ground.  
"Cool, huh?" Snape snickered brightly . Its great. I like ravens! I ..." He frowned at Hagrid's odd expression  
"Son... I dont know much bout this sorta magic... but Ive a feeling you shouldn't have done that"  
Snape pouted, looking lost. "I only wanted to show you want I could do..." He sighed. "Im sorry." He hung his head, hiding behind his ever growing fringe, even more uncared for. Dissaproved of again.  
"It was good, Severus, very good indeed, but I stil think you should be careful ok? You want something to do? Find a potion that can get rid of fleas from Fang. He seems to be sufferin an awful lot recently."  
"Ok!" His enthusiasm returned. He pocketed the items and sucked the nick on his fuinger. One hand on each tiny shoulder he steered the child out into the bright sunlight and shooed them back out to play.  
It was slightly later, when Hagrid was preparing to do a round in the Forbidden Forest when he felt something odd. He looked at the edge of the wood. About fifty metres from its snowless undergrowth, Severus sat alone, Longbottom having given in to the cold "I dont feel cold ever!" Severus had insisted, and stayed outside to look at snow and colour it with the potions meant for his next class, to see what happened. Hagrid smiled. The boy was ok. He knew a lot about the boy's father, who was causing a lot of controversy with his violent and dark ideas... but his son was ok... Just needed alot of guidance and caring.  
Still...there was something wrong. It was too still, as if the forest was holding its breath.  
  
And it was  
  
It moved faster than Hagrid had expected... that out of place shadow, just inside the forest. So still and then so fast!   
It rushed towards the child and was on him with a growl before anyone had time to blink. He cried out in terror as the creature bowled him over and pressed him into the snow with his body. It glanced around once, saw Hagrid and several other children, frozen there in shock, before biting into Snape's shoulder and lifting him high up above the ground. Hagrid was horrified to see him squrming there, the pain on his face. With a last look at the gamekeeper, the shadow-dog seemed to curve in on itself and was instantly in the forest.  
Hagrid and Fang were there in seconds but there was nothing, no scream or sounds of feet running. The birds began to sing as if all was normal. Except it wasn't... for along the path the creature had run, was a trail of blood and no footprints. The blood seeped in and stained the snow.  
Behind him, an older student gasped in horror.  
"Get Dumbledore" Hagrid had croaked.  
  
  
****** END OF PART ONE******  
  
So what do you think so far? What was the beast? What was the spell Severus has learnt? What is happening with his Father and what odd turns will our Raven-child's path take??  
Im away for a couple of days... but the next two chapters are already written and just need to be spellchecked. If everyone likes this so far, they will be here soon:)   
  
  



	2. Chapter Two: Home is where the heart is

Thanks for the reviews! Everyone seems to think that I've made Severus a bit too young... but you should have seen me at 11/12 years old!!! Ive tried to age him a bit in this sections...  
His darkness looms...  
  
***************  
  
  
  
Professors were on the scene in an instant. Dumbledore, Flitwick, McGonagall and the bloody Baron all took seperate paths into the forest after hearing what happened. The shocked head of house was left to get rid of the stains to prevent panic, Madame Pomfrey was told, rather despondantly, to be ready for a possible casualty - Although most thought there would only be a body to bring back.  
  
All through the day they searched, and when they returned at supper it was to a scared hall. By now the tale had spread and grown. It was a werewolf! An ogre! A vampire... a dragon..  
"We continue the search after a break" Dumbledore announced to the staff wearily. "We must find the child."  
Everyone nodded resolutly and began their meal.  
No one, not even Dumbledore noticed the thin smile on Malfoy's face.  
  
McGonagall wandered deeper into the woods, her wand lighting the way. She didnt like this place, but Dumbledore needed to find answers. He had his suspicions of what happened that day... but wouldn't yet reveal them.  
"Foolish child" She muttered. Playing with dark magic! He hardly paid attention in class, let alone have the ability to do something like this... Had he summoned a demon?  
There was a tiny clearing ahead. She stopped to look around, at the jagged and fierce trees, at the murky marsh beneath her feet. Stupid child. She didnt like him much. He was arrogant and uptight, yet never made the effort to make friends or do anything for anyone other than himself... and then he complained of lonliness. Stupid child. She sat down on a log to rest her aching legs and to curse the black headed rat once more. As she bent to massage her ankles, she caught the faint scent... and her light soon revealed a blooded footprint, recently crushed into the pine and earth floor.  
  
A strange light in front of him. It took up his whole world and scared away the darkness that threatened to consume him. Broken and dirty, he raised an aching head to find the source. A small song ran like river down the hole to him and he sobbed slightly as a friend appeared, sitting at the enterance to his hideaway.  
"Fawkes?" Snape sobbed. "Hello..."  
"Severus?"  
Dumbledore. Relief washed over him and he sighed to the darkness.  
"Severus are you all right?"  
"Im so sore..." He moaned. "I want to go home." He demanded to the earth under his face.  
"I will take you home. Give me your hand."  
Silence. Dumbledore kneeled with a crack to his knees at the enterance of the large hole. Too big for rabbits, who knew what had once occupied it before this very battered boy. Looking down he could see Snape's head where it rested on the earth floor, the curve of his knee, the slimness of his wrist and fingers as the boy lay in the tunnel.  
"go away." Snape decided. "Im tired"  
Fawkes gave a quizzical peep and flew to his master's shoulder. With a grip surprising for a man of his age, Dumbledore wrapped his fingers around the boy's wrist and pulled him out of the hole, making him shout anew as his security was broken, old wounds opened.  
It was a very discheveled little wizard that knelt before Albus on the ground. He swayed and his shoulders drooped, he threatened to collapse forwards onto his face. Dumbledore gently lifted him up into his arm. wrapping his cloak around both of them. Snape buried his face in the long beard silently and sobbed, his hand grasping beard and clothing, unwilling to let go.   
The journey was not long but by the end the boy had worn himself into slumber. Gently he was placed under the care of Madame Pomfrey, wrapped up in thick blankets and a thick potions spilt over his lips as he resisted being awoken. He didnt stir once as Poppy healed him: the bumps and scratches, the fever that appeared in the night and the crushed and mauled shoulder and tears to his face and hands where the beast had held him and dragged him deep into the woods.  
As he sat by the bedside, watching almost intellegently, Fawkes plucked a near loose, irritating feather and threw it to the floor. Dumbledore quickly wrapped it in a silken handkerchief and placed it under the sleeping child's pillow. Fawkes bobbed his head, as if he agreed with the present. Snape had his feather back.  
  
************  
  
It didnt take long to get the story from the now clear headed child. tucked safely under the watchful eyes of Poppy, it was as if the last terrible day had been a dream.  
"It gave me a fright when it appeared... It was horrible, like a sped up movie. Everything felt wierd." He explained. "Then it grabbed me. That hurt! It took me into the forest, running far too fast. It felt like ages before it slowed down and it was terribly dark then. The creature was odd. It stopped and it put me down.. It drank at a puddle and I looked at it. It wasnt really a wolf as I had thought, it was all scaly and slimy in parts, like a snake-dog. It had a forked tongue too. And black eyes... so horrid!" He shivered in memory. "But something wierd happened when it tried to pick me up again... It was trying to bite me again, but I wouldn't let it. So it bit my arm instead." He nursed the bandaged arm mournfully "It was dragging me along but I wouldnt let him do that either. It was wierd because then it started to smoke. I thought maybe it was on fire and I was glad."  
Dumbledore shook his head. A mean streak in this one!  
"It was like a glass emptying... all the darkness in it began to vanish up into the air.. it was becoming transparent. I could see through it. It didn't seem to be able to drag me as easily as before either.  
Then I heard something.. I think it was Fawkes and the beast stopped" He pointed to the bird fluffed up at the end of his bed. "It got all angry and agitated... but just kept on boiling away... It was really pale now, hardly grey, and soon it seemed to be so pale I couldnt see it. It had to let go of my arm and turned to run away.. and as I watched. the snake - thing vanished into nothing."  
A strange tale. Severus could see the teachers running through their memories for signs of a creature that fitted. Their neutral expressions betrayed nothing.  
"We are going to go and find out more, Severus. Rest here" Dumbledore swept out of the room followed by his teachers.   
  
The next day Severus Snape was released back to his dorm. He now sat revising on his bed for the day he had missed. McGonagall was being sour, and had insisted that, snake dog or no, he was going to sit the test on friday along with everyone else. It was during a particularly gruesome chapter on "When Transfigurations go wong" that Malfoy walked over to the small boy's bed.  
"Hey, shrimp" He drawled. "Heard what happened. You ok"  
"Yeah..." Snape answered carefully. Lucius rarely cared how he was. and if he did, it was in order to make him feel even more miserable than he already was.  
"I hear you showed Hagrid that spell I taught you?"  
"Oh yeah, He thought it was cool too. I dont think I did it quite right though..."  
With a snarl Malfoy had grabbed the boy's robes and dragged him up eye to eye.   
"Get this into your slimy head, snake! You are to never EVER show anyone that spell!"  
"Wh...why not?" the boy choked. "It was just for fun?"  
"Fun. Oh my yes. " Malfoy sneered and dumped him back on top of his books. " Fun... yes. In a way it is. For me"  
Severus shook his head in confusion.  
  
Dinner came and the teachers were glad of it. Between restless children and Dumbledore's incessent probing into their knowledge of dark creatures they were weary and spent. Potato soup perked them up and the unusual meal of Macaroni cheese ("My brother used to make this. It is a delight!" A smiling Dumbledore had reassured them) The children seemed to be enjoying it, even the picky eaters.  
  
The Slytherin table was full of jokes and nonesense tonight. A game to fill your mouth with as much Macaroni as possible was going rediculously wong as students were giggling and spitting their meal all over each other. It was oddly pleasant to get so dirty. Severus snorted as he wiped cheese from his face and tried not to lose his jawful of dinner. Between giggling and choking he managed to swallow.   
"Peasants" Malfoy intoned as he sat at the end of the table.  
"Going home for Christmas?" A slytherin girl asked of the table. Most were - no reason to stay at Hogwarts when vast feasts and family waited at home. "You, Snapey?"  
He looked at his plate and didnt feel hungry anymore "Yeah, im going home."  
"Well, at least look happy about it" Another snickered as he stuck wads of macaroni on the underside of the table.  
  
The truth was, Severus didnt want to go home... ever! But he didnt want to share that with any of this lot, and had no friends close enough to tell and it made his heat ache. Lucius knew... Severus was sure of it though he didnt know how. It didnt matter anyway what Lucius thought.  
Severus's mother was dying. It shouldnt have taken as long as this... She had been ill for years. His father loved her very much, he knew. She had ben so beautiful. Severus remembered times when she had ran about with him, taught him basic spells, clambered through hedges... yelled at the half dead rat he had brought home and even when she had smacked him for being really bad. The parties they had held in their house! Father in dress robes, Mama in long gowns of white and purple, her black hair strung up with pearls and silver gems in her ears. a princess! and she was all his.  
No one could really remember when she fell ill. It just seemed that every so often her complaints worsened... her complexion paled. It wasnt till Severus and his father came back from a week trip that it really hit them. So pale and drawn and in pain.  
Every night Severus would be wakened by either his mother moaning in pain from the fire that consumed her... or Father muttering his dispair to the darkened corridors. Father never cried... and there were no more parties, no more visitors for Snape the elder had become vindictive and short tempered. Not towards his son though. But after three years of this constant unhapiness something changed. His mother, although not recovered, seemed to be slowing in her illness... father looked better and was quieter too, although there was a strange coldness to his eyes. He lifted his hand more often to his son, but on the other hand began to spend more time with Severus and to teach him magic and hexes that delighted the pyomaniac in every child.  
Although nothing was ever said or revealed, Severus was clever enough to realise that his father had done something really bad to secure this slight break in their spiral downwards.  
  
As he munched on the remenants of his cold dinner, the sound of his housemates droned out, Snape wondered if the strange feelings he had made him evil. What would it be like to go home and find his mother gone... buried... He would be relieved... happy again, able to play in the corridors without hearing her, without wanting to go into that room that smelt so wrong... were these thought evil? To wish your mama dead so you could have a good night's sleep?  
  
The end of term came and with it, time to go home. Holiday work assigned, and good natured comments from the teachers. The only worry was, as McGonagall had told Snape, they had still no idea what had taken him that night.  
Snape lugged his chest into the train and turned to wish Hagrid farewell for a while.  
"Take care o yerself, Sev" He growled "N take good care of your pres' hear?" He slapped a heavy hand onto the boy's back and blew the wind from him. "I will!" Severus spluttered as he waved the pheonix feather at the giant.  
The Hogwarts express wandered happily through the hills and farmland until it came back into the city.  
There in the milling croud of parents was his father, Severus realised with a jolt. How tired he looked with those bags under his eyes, and he was a lot thinner than he remembered from last time. He huddled under a coat in the cold and drift of snow, but looked as if he wold never be warm again.  
"Hey, Snake!" A light voice broke him from his musings "Remember to practice that spell! I want to be able to teach you a *Better* one next term!" Blonde Lucius was with a blonder set of parents.  
"Yeah, of course! Goodbye!" Snape shouted back.  
  
Severus nattered about his term to his father as they walked the last bit of the way up the hill to their house. People he didnt like, people he hated... a couple who were ok... about ravens and eagles and owls and how he really wanted to lean some better hexes, because the ones at school were all too easy...  
His father gave him a small smile and looked down at him, world weary. His high cheekbones seemed more shadowed. He placed a bony hand on his child's head and pulled him closer.  
"Its good to have you back." His voice was like wind... nothing there... "Lets have a good meal and talk later, ok? But first... we gotta clean you up!" He tugged at a greasy lock and his eyes twinkled  
"Ok" Severus agreed.  
A nice warm bath and his father insisted he clean himself three times over before he was satisfied. He poked and prodded his boy as he stood wrapped in a huge towel, still wet.  
"Why, you litle drip" His father announced with a small grin. Why did Severus think that his father hadn't smiled in a while? "You are starting to fill out properly! And look - I think you are getting taller too. What's goin on?" He challenged.  
"You know you can tell the size of the dog by looking at the puppy's feet?" The wet child asked innocently  
"Well, no I didnt" The answer was smiling "Lets see what size this wet dog is going to become!"  
and he grabbed his son by the feet and bowled him over  
"Urgh! No! Dont tickle!" Severus squealed, wriggling away from the fingers on his soles.  
  
Their play was interrupted by a gentle moan... a sigh that travelled the halls like ice.  
His father changed. His eyes were glazed. "You had better get dressed and ready for dinner. I will attend your mother, then we can all talk after tea."  
"Yes father" was the meloncholy reply.  
Dinner was lonely for his father never appeared. Instead two house elves waited on him. The dinner was wonderful, yet tasted of cardboard. They watched their young master with trepidation. This wasnt the house for a young boy.  
"Severus come and greet your mother" Snape beckoned around the corner of the kitchen and he obeyed immediatly, his fork dropped with a clatter.  
  
The room hadn't changed much since he had last been in it. The long curtains blowing in the slightly opened window, as thin as silk. The large four poster bed that he had once jumped in and played king in and hidden from nightmares while wapped in his parents' arms. Only one person occupied the bed now. In the corner of the room, the large table cluttered with remedies and medicine and herbs and anything farfetched his father could find. There was definatly more bottles of pills and drinks than before.  
"Severus?" A whisper. A breath.  
"Here Mama." He approached the bed nervously.  
This wasnt his Mama anymore. He wanted to burst into tears right there and demand to know where his princess had gone. who was this stranger in the bed? But her eyes hadnt changed.. eyes that were also his and bound them by birthright and love. At least they han't changed.  
She reached out a hand. So britle and thin. Her skin felt like paper, so fragile and dry. He took it in his and wasnt surprised to find his was the larger. Where were the hands that washed his face free from mud, that lited him with one movement when he fell. All he could see was this piece of parchment with bones showing painfuly through.  
"Oh my pretty boy!" Another breath. So much effort "You have grown so much! And you look so much like your father!"  
"Yes, mama" He was stuck for words.  
"Was school good? Does Dumbledore take good care of you?"   
Yes, Dumbledore... the strange man that had appeared a couple of times long before his scooldays to advise and pat him on the head. Dumbledore, the greatest wizard ever.. who couldnt save one boy's dying mama  
"Yes, mama. Weve had a fun year...."  
And he talked, his voice little more than a whisper itself for anything louder would surely destroy her?   
As he spoke his attentio was not on his words of childish antics and new things learnt, but on the face of his parent. Her skin was so sallow and white... grey flecked it and the bags under her eyes showed her inablity to sleep well. Her hair, once blacker than his, was lank and grey in places, but much had fallen out and patches of wrinkled skin on her scalp was paler than the rest of her. Her slender neck, sunken and bony, her collerbone and elbow.. was there even skin covering them? He double checked. Yes, still. The rest of her was covered in a bright red velvet blanket that seemed to mock them all with its liveliness and verocity in life. Where was his mama... He was beginning to be scared. She hadnt been this ill when he left...  
"You have had fun, Severus! good... good... Perhaps in the summer you can bring some friends over and we will all go swimming in the river and I shall make a picnic and we will sit on the hill and have a lovely chat"  
His moma wasn't going anywhere... she was already dead! A small sob escaped him. "Yes mama! we shall" he agreed "We shall, one day"  
She was asleep, her mouth slightly open, her breath rasping.  
"She is tired." his father whispered and took the hand of his son as they both left.  
  
Severus wanted to cry. This was no family! This was hell...  
  
The next week passed uneventfully. Severus remained in his room, locked away to finish his homework and once complete, creating new potions to tease Potter with on his return . It was the only thing that kept him sane from the delusional mutterings and cries from *that* room. he had entered only ocassionally since to say a few words and stare once more at that shadow in the bed. She hardly reconised him in his visits. It was only the thought of going back to Hogwarts that kept him going. He remained in the dark room, smelling slightly of sulphur and dragonsbane and muttered darkly to himself. It wasnt fair. This was HER fault. She shouldnt be this ill. she could get better if she only tried...  
His father glanced in at him. "Are you alright?"  
"Oh just great" he replied sarcastically, his eyes wet with tears. His father came in and sat beside him, looking at the little cauldren that bubbled softly. " Good, good... you are beciming quite the potionsmaster." He nodded. Severus just looked at the pot with a pout, trying not to cry. His father pulled him into a hug.  
"Oh my son..."  
Severus broke down.  
"Why wont it go away? Why is it killing her? Why does she have to lie there and scare me all the time? I want it to go away! I want her to go away!" He sobbed miserably into his fathers warm cloak.  
"Im so sorry Severus.. I wish it would go away too. Sometimes I want to cry too, but I have to keep going. Sometimes its hard being a grown up." He hugged him closer "Try not to grow up too fast, Severus? " He sighed. "I love her and you so much... sometimes I wish she would go away too...yes, to go away and leave us in peace..."  
  
Dumbledore was enjoying the gentle morning breeze in the silence of the castle gardens. The monster in the lake wove a lazy tendril at him and Hagid was a blur in the distance, chopping wood and humming rather tunelessly. It was quiet without the bustle of children, so quiet. It was nice to have a change, but he missed thier presense, the magic that only children could bring. McGonagall silently joined him, severe hands clasped together as the stared at the clear and pale winter sky.  
"Wonderful to have a bit of serenity without the constant barrage of students, isnt it?" She breathed.  
"Ah, Minerva - but where would we be without the children?" The headmaster asked of her over his glasses  
"Nowhere, Albus. Nowhere."  
Ahead of them an owl swooped low across the grounds on a path towards them  
"Hunting? McGonagall asked.  
"Somehow I think not."   
The bird dropped its message before silently heading up to the tower.  
Dumbledore unrolled the parchment and read it serenely. Then he gave a small sigh and shook his head, his eyes filled with pain. " I think something has it in for that boy... the poor child..."  
"What?"  
"Severus Snape... His Mother was murdered last night ... by his father."  
  
***********  
  
Darkness as only real life can bring! So many whys and no answers!  
Dont worry... more questions wil come.. dont worry... everything is answered in the end!  



End file.
